Remember: Domestic Violence (DV) is a crime!
Under most state laws, DV is defined as “any physical abuse, or threat of abuse, between intimately involved partners, roommates, or family members. In some states, the legal wording extends to include anyone with whom you have had a child, whether or not they live with you or have ever lived with you.”
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) defines domestic violence as “a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence, when one person believes they are entitled to control another.”
Law enforcement and the courts use DV as an umbrella term for a wide variety of other crimes. Most domestic violence charges include at least one "person to person" crime, such as assault (threatening to harm someone either by word or by action) or battery (physically harming or attempting to harm someone). Other common elements of domestic violence crimes include: kidnapping (which can be as simple as not letting you leave the room), criminal mischief or vandalism (egging your house, scratching up your car), burglary (entering your home or vehicle without your permission, even if nothing is taken), and stalking.
Although many domestic violence arrests include a specific action that results in an injury, just the attempt or threat to injure can be enough for an arrest to be made
DV is not only a women’s issue. Men are speaking out more often about abuse in their relationships. This was seen rarely 20 years ago. “The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable to most people that many men won’t even attempt to report the situation. Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished, men usually end up feeling as if nobody would believe them. It is widely assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or while playing contact sports.” http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm They also feared the responses of law enforcement. Since law enforcement has received more training on the issue of DV, men are now able to report incidents and are offered assistance from law enforcement.
The statistics of DV are frightening. According to the National Council Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):
• 1 in 4 women will experience DV in her lifetime.
• In 2001, there were 691,710 incidents of non-fatal violence committed against women by their boyfriends, husbands and former intimate partners.
• From 1992 to 2000, 54% of DV were reported to the police. Only 24% of rape and sexual assault was reported during that same period.
• 1 in 5 women have experienced an attempted or completed rape.
• Marital rape accounts for 25% of all rapes affecting over 75,000 women each year.
• In 2000, 1247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
Why won’t she leave?
This question is often asked by people who really don’t understand the danger a woman feels in leaving. A woman leaves and returns to an abusive situation, either entering a shelter or staying with a friend or relative many times before she leaves for good or before she becomes a fatality. A more appropriate question would be: "Why does he abuse her?" or "Why can’t he be stopped from hurting his family?"
The reasons she waits to leave are varied but one of the reasons is NOT because she enjoys the abuse. She may stay because she believes that his violence is only temporary. She may believe that with loyalty and love, she can make him change. He promises that it will "never happen again" and she wants to believe him. She may believe that it is her responsibility to keep the family together. She wants to believe there will be more good times. She may make excuses for him saying “he has had a hard life” or “he needs me.”
The average battered woman leaves 7 to 8 times before permanently leaving a relationship. Many times, she is "caught" in the Cycle of Violence.
She may return when he begs her to come back, or when she can’t find the resources to live on her own. She may return because she loves him. There are many other reasons women stay in relationships. Some include: economics, family expectation to stay in marriage "at any cost", religious expectations “until death do us part”, guilt that it may actually be her fault, fear of loneliness, concern for the children, fear of additional and more extreme violence, destruction of her property or pets, harm to her reputation, fear of being stalked, lack of available housing, concern for him (possibility of him committing suicide). The reasons are as varied as the couples involved are and all are valid.
How do you help yourself or someone you care about in a DV situation?
For a list of what to do, how to help and how to remain safe, please contact the nearest shelter in your area or The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at:
1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
http://www.ndvh.org/help/planning.html
© Connie Roush 2007 All Rights Reserved.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) defines domestic violence as “a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence, when one person believes they are entitled to control another.”
Law enforcement and the courts use DV as an umbrella term for a wide variety of other crimes. Most domestic violence charges include at least one "person to person" crime, such as assault (threatening to harm someone either by word or by action) or battery (physically harming or attempting to harm someone). Other common elements of domestic violence crimes include: kidnapping (which can be as simple as not letting you leave the room), criminal mischief or vandalism (egging your house, scratching up your car), burglary (entering your home or vehicle without your permission, even if nothing is taken), and stalking.
Although many domestic violence arrests include a specific action that results in an injury, just the attempt or threat to injure can be enough for an arrest to be made
DV is not only a women’s issue. Men are speaking out more often about abuse in their relationships. This was seen rarely 20 years ago. “The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable to most people that many men won’t even attempt to report the situation. Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished, men usually end up feeling as if nobody would believe them. It is widely assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or while playing contact sports.” http://www.oregoncounseling.org/Handouts/DomesticViolenceMen.htm They also feared the responses of law enforcement. Since law enforcement has received more training on the issue of DV, men are now able to report incidents and are offered assistance from law enforcement.
The statistics of DV are frightening. According to the National Council Against Domestic Violence (NCADV):
• 1 in 4 women will experience DV in her lifetime.
• In 2001, there were 691,710 incidents of non-fatal violence committed against women by their boyfriends, husbands and former intimate partners.
• From 1992 to 2000, 54% of DV were reported to the police. Only 24% of rape and sexual assault was reported during that same period.
• 1 in 5 women have experienced an attempted or completed rape.
• Marital rape accounts for 25% of all rapes affecting over 75,000 women each year.
• In 2000, 1247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
Why won’t she leave?
This question is often asked by people who really don’t understand the danger a woman feels in leaving. A woman leaves and returns to an abusive situation, either entering a shelter or staying with a friend or relative many times before she leaves for good or before she becomes a fatality. A more appropriate question would be: "Why does he abuse her?" or "Why can’t he be stopped from hurting his family?"
The reasons she waits to leave are varied but one of the reasons is NOT because she enjoys the abuse. She may stay because she believes that his violence is only temporary. She may believe that with loyalty and love, she can make him change. He promises that it will "never happen again" and she wants to believe him. She may believe that it is her responsibility to keep the family together. She wants to believe there will be more good times. She may make excuses for him saying “he has had a hard life” or “he needs me.”
The average battered woman leaves 7 to 8 times before permanently leaving a relationship. Many times, she is "caught" in the Cycle of Violence.
She may return when he begs her to come back, or when she can’t find the resources to live on her own. She may return because she loves him. There are many other reasons women stay in relationships. Some include: economics, family expectation to stay in marriage "at any cost", religious expectations “until death do us part”, guilt that it may actually be her fault, fear of loneliness, concern for the children, fear of additional and more extreme violence, destruction of her property or pets, harm to her reputation, fear of being stalked, lack of available housing, concern for him (possibility of him committing suicide). The reasons are as varied as the couples involved are and all are valid.
How do you help yourself or someone you care about in a DV situation?
For a list of what to do, how to help and how to remain safe, please contact the nearest shelter in your area or The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at:
1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
http://www.ndvh.org/help/planning.html
© Connie Roush 2007 All Rights Reserved.
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