Thursday, May 31, 2007

So...Why Won't She Leave Him?

There are probably as many reasons a woman stays in an abusive relationship as there are domestic violence cases but a few seem to keep resurfacing.

1.She loves him. (Actually she loves the man she married or the man he was and hopes he will eventually become that man again. She often thinks that if he was less stressed, or she was a better partner she would get the man she married back.. Sadly, this is never the case.)

2.She's afraid to be alone.(Her self-esteem may be so low that she fears no one else will ever want her. He has often told her she is undesirable for any number of reasons, and she now fears he may be right.)

3.She's ashamed.(She doesn't want anyone to know what is happening in her home. She has been keeping the secrets too long.)

4.She has financial worries.(Often she is reliant on his income and insurance and wonders if she can support herself and her children.)

5.She is terrified.(She is afraid he will find her and things will get even worse.)

These are probably the top 5 reasons a woman will stay in an abusive relationship and all are valid. They are very real fears, BUT...there are alternatives and there is help out there.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) has a list of organizations arranged by state that can help. (See "Information and Help" to the left for link.)

Domestic Violence Information and Referral Handbook offers a lot of good information on how to access legal assistance. (See "Information and Help" to the left for link.)

Rural Assistance Center has links to places that make funds available to women in crisis. (See "Information and Help" to the left for link.)

The R.O.S.E (Regaining One's Self Esteem)Fund has programs available for reconstructive surgery, a cooking and nutrition workshop and scholarships. (See "Information and Help" to the left for link.)

Inspirations of Hamilton County, Indiana has a unique program assisting women in getting employment training and education, giving them free professional clothing and household items, helping them to get set up with financial assistance and housing. (See "Information and Help" to the left for link.)
(I would like to see more programs like this one.)

There is an abundance of information and assistance programs in every state. I know it's hard to leave. It took me almost 15 years, but it can be done and things do look brighter once you can again raise your head and be yourself with no fear of violence.

Domestic Violence doesn't get better. It won't go away no matter how long a woman stays, oftentimes it will just get worse. He will never again become the man you married. That man is dead. He is now an abuser and a criminal. Remember abuse is a crime.

An abuser abuses and a victim is NOT to blame.


Biby Cletus said...

Cool blog, i just randomly surfed in, but it sure was worth my time, will be back

Deep Regards from the other side of the Moon

Biby Cletus

Connie R said...

Thanks for stopping by...and for your kind words!

Uncle said...

Hi OH girl;
its UncleMike from ULC tribal.
great blogs, what else would you expext?
keep it up
Love your

Connie R said...

Thank you so much Mike...for visiting and for your means a lot.

El_Jeque said...

i am screaming and pulling my hair. cause this problem is so real i truly wish i can leave her alone with her abusive boyfriend which she is horrified of. if she didnt care for me and prefered him this would be alot easier cause i can just walk away. but nooo she is miserable and depressed and she calls or txt every day. but the answer as 2 why she wont leave him still doesnt solve the problem. she says she doesnt love him, she has where to go, her family already know she isnt happy there, and i wish he would try 2 come after her once she is safe with me this way i can finally get involved. but it seems that things wont change its been like this since 2006. i dont want 2 wait 15 years 4her to finally get away from him. how did u do it and how can we speed this process up. am i suppose to kidnap her? or 4me to emotionally get away her cause i dont have much more patience 4 this never ending cycle

Connie R said...

I can tell how frustrated you are. My new husband was just as frustrated with being unable to help when we first met.

Until she reaches the place where she has had enough...nothing will make her leave. Sadly, she may never reach that place.

I know you care for her but my advice is to take care of yourself first. An ultimatum often helps. Give her a time frame and stick to it. If she doesn't leave by then, you may be hanging on forever...and that's not fair to you.

I'm here if you need a friend.
Loving Blessings,